We've celebrated Passover together many times throughout the years. We've seen our families grow and children get bigger. Now, our first-ever online Zoom seder, just like our ancestors intended.

The word "seder" means order. Just like a meeting has an agenda, we have a seder. We'll skip around and do a shortened seder this year...although probably more hand washing and wine drinking. 

Some of the text we will read of the seder is over 2000 years.

So are some of the jokes.

Lets get it started.

Is there a more Jewish muppet than Telly? I don't think so. 

Let's say the Kiddush over THE FIRST CUP of wine.

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam borei p'ri hagafen.

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who creates the fruit of the vine.

There's Mr. Noodle Kugel washing his hands! He washes his hands for 20 seconds with soap and water while singing the chorus of Dayenu twice.

Don't touch your face, Mr. Noodle Kugel!

Take a piece of parsley or celery. This green vegetable is a symbol of springtime and the miracle of nature's renewal. We dip the karpas into salt water which represents the salty tears shed by Israelites when enslaved by Egypt and say this blessing:

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam borei p'ri ha'adamah.  We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who creates the fruit of the earth.

My mother is so Jewish when she got called for jury duty they sent her home because she kept insisting she was guilty!

Alright. We break the middle matzoh into two pieces. We wrap and set aside the larger piece as the Afikomen, the dessert matzah to be eaten after the meal.

This is the bread of poverty which our ancestors ate in the land of Egypt. 

The following text is unaltered from our traditional Haggadah. It holds even more true than ever:

"We set aside this matzoh as a symbol of hope for those in the world who are in despair. Some are crushed by poverty and disease, others by tyranny and violence. We pray that their pain will end soon, and they will be brought to safety and healing. We dedicate ourselves to relieve suffering in whatever form it takes."

We begin to tell the story of Passover. We tell the story as a response to the 4 questions.

Mah nishtanah halialah hazeh mikol haleilot!

How different this night is from all other nights!

Sheb'chol haleilot anu ochlin chametz u'matzah. Hailailah lazeh kulo matzah.

On all other nights we eat bread or matzah. On this night why do we eat only matzah?

Sheb'chol haleilot anu ochlin she'ar yirakot. Halailah hazeh maror.

On all other nights we eat all kinds of vegetables. On this night why do we eat only maror?

Sheb'chol haleilot ein anu matbilin afilu pa'am echat. Halailah hazeh sh'tei f'amim.

On all other nights we do not have to dip vegetables even once. On this night why do we dip them twice?

Sheb'chol haleilot anu ochlin bein yoshvin u'vein m'subin. Halailalah hazeh kulanu m'subin.

On all other nights we eat our meals sitting any way we like. On this night, why do we lean on pillows?

Special Edition: Fifth Question! At all other seders we wash twice with water. Why on this night do we also use Purell?

Pharoah was concerned that the Jews living in Egypt would outnumber his own people. His response: force them into slavery and decree that every son born to the Hebrews should be drowned in the Nile.

One baby was saved. This baby was Moses. When Moses was older, he became a shepherd. One day, while he was tending sheep, he came across a burning bush. From the bush, he heard God’s voice calling him to command Pharoah to let the Jews go free.

Moses went before Pharoah asking him to free the Israelites. Pharoah remained stubborn and made the Israelites work even harder. Finally, God said "Enough!" and brought not one plague...not two plagues...not even three plagues. He brought TEN plagues upon the Egyptians! Each one frightened Pharoah but lice, beasts, and boils weren't enough. It wasn't until after the last plague, the Death Of The Firstborn Of The Egyptians, that Pharoah agreed to let the Israelites go.

We fill our wine cups to remember our joy in being able to leave Egypt. Yet our happiness is not complete, because the Egyptians also suffered Pharoah's evil ways. Therefore, we spill a drop of wine from our cups as we say each plague.

Blood

Frogs

Lice

Beasts

Cattle Disease

Boils

Hail

Locusts

Darkness

Plague of the First Born

Lets add one more drop in honor of us and the billions of people around the world affected by this horrible pandemic.

Q: How many Pharoahs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: One, but he won't let it go.

Adonai has shown our people so many acts of kindness. For each one, we say, dayenu, meaning "that alone would have been enough, for that alone we are grateful."

Adonai took us out of Egypt: DAYENU

Punished the Egyptians and destroyed their idols: DAYENU

Divided the sea and led us across on dry land: DAYENU

Took care of us in the desert for forty years and fed us manna: DAYENU

Gave us Shabbat: DAYENU

Brought us to Mount Sinai and gave us the Torah: DAYENU

Brought us to the land of Israel and built the Holy Temple: DAYENU

For all these - alone and together - we say: DAYENU

Ilu hotzianu miMitzrayim. Dayenu

Ilu natan lanu et haShabbat. Dayenu

Ilu natan lanu et haTorah. Dayenu.

We raise our second glass of wine to celebrate God's redemption of the Jews and their delivery out of Egypt.

Baruch Atah Adonai ga'al Yisrael. We praise You, Adonai our God, Who has freed the people of Israel.

Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu melech ha'olam borei p'ri hagafen. We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the Universe, Who creates the Fruit of the vine.

...AND REPEAT FOR THIRD GLASS OF WINE!

Usually we'd welome Elijah at this time and we'd say "Next Year in Jerusalem!"...but lets settle for "Next Year Together!"